i just hate the length of my hair
and the shape of my lips
the sweet twist
faeries giggle and it rings
through the warm and tender
summer air
if we hold our breaths
and shut our eyes
we can feel it
glitter on the backs of our eyelids
aware of the space between our toes
the thread begins to fray
flowers dance and they sway
keeping a silent count
fragrant and dewy
stars dot the sky
lavender, tea green, baby blue
like the cutest freckles
we come undone
somewhere between heaven
and the field of love
your true body
your true name
your true life
no map can lead you
no plane or boat can take you
not even your own two feet
where we are going
there is nothing but joy
say it with me
to figure out who i am
away from you was so so hard
and it tore me apart
i felt my bones splinter
under the slightest pressure
then i began to float
suspended in the air
six feet off the ground
you took the earth.
you nestled in its deepest seas
you turned your gaze away from me
and the darkness set in
and i burned in a ring of fire
i fled to the atmosphere
i dissipated, returned to stardust
so now all i do
is stare down upon your vastness
wondering if you might catch me
and drag me back by my hair
face firmly rooted in the crust
happy to be home
my face resting in yours
is that, suddenly, you are no longer
anything really
you are just a spectacle
smoke and mirrors
that children will stare at
eyes wide open like mirror balls
and their mothers will
grip their children closer to them
as if you are some (trans) plague.
is that, suddenly, you are no longer
anything really
you are just a ghost
faint and translucent
people disappear you
when you go to the club
your cute cis friend gets hit on
the suitor does not make eye contact
instead a vague gesture in your direction
are you with...?
as if your name is...
some unspeakable (trans) thing.
is that, suddenly, you are no longer
anything really
you are just alone
in your stupid, silly room
with that stupid, silly closet
that holds your stupid, silly dresses
your stupid, silly skirts
those stupid, silly dreams
that stupid, silly hope
who told you
that you could be yourself
stupid, silly (trans) girl.
Dry earth or dirt that dusts your clothes after a hike.
That adds a little charm and heart to your look.
Soft, fine, comforting.
Reminding you that you've done something, been someone, lived a life.
and we won't ever
hold each other again
like we did
in those snowdrift castles
to want to envelop someone
in your love
your body
your soul
to hold them so close
they fuse into you
is it not just motherhood?
to emulate our mothers
hold her close
by absorbing her
you can become yourself